Only Here

As I mentioned last time, when I think of Christian unity in action right now, I think of bringing people to accept Christ as their Savior and growing where we have common ground.  However, I also mentioned my growing awareness of denominational differences.  I have heard from various places that denominations shouldn't/don't matter, but that ignores why they exist.  Different denominations have different ideas of what truth is.  They have different responses to tradition and Bible passages, even so far as not accepting passages from Daniel and Esther and relegating other books to an appendix, if they are included at all.  There are different definitions and approaches to central concepts like grace, sacraments, and justification.  Our differences matter.

I love my Protestant brothers and sisters and have learned much from them, but I still believe the Catholic Church is where fullness of grace and truth are found.  Protestant denominations have bits and pieces, but the whole has been preserved here.  Now, I'm not about to go and whip out "10 Reasons Why Catholics Have It Right."  That would require far more research than I have the time for in a weekend, and I would rather approach that type of thing via face-to-face conversation than Internet anyway.  Instead, I want to share two important experiences I've had that are unique to Catholicism.

Back in October, I had mentioned battling anxiety during undergrad.  In that post, I said a big part of my healing from that was due to actions my friends decided to take.  While that helped me to stop experiencing anxiety over time, I was often battling the actual manifestation of anxiety on my own.  Well, kind of on my own.  In the evenings, when my anxious thoughts reached maximum velocity, I turned to my Heavenly Mother.  Praying the Rosary was the only sure way I knew of to calm my mind.  Most* Protestants would never do this and see this as a slight to Jesus.  But I needed my Mom.  I needed her to slow my thoughts so that I could more clearly see her Son and hear the voice of the Father so they could break through the noise.

The other personal experience of mine I feel I should share involves Adoration and Confession - another two things that separate Catholics and Protestants.  This story is one I told a year ago at Encounter, a monthly Adoration and worship night at UWEC's Newman Center.

The Loving Gaze

While the name Confession is a valid name for the sacrament, I prefer Reconciliation.  It’s the “why” instead of the “what.”  We confess to God how we hurt others, ourselves, and Him and then ask to be reconciled back to Him to have a broken relationship fixed.  I want to share about that here, and how much more wonderful this sacrament is when paired with Adoration.

One of the hardest fought battles of the heart and mind is to trust God.  One main area where I was fighting a more passive-aggressive version of this was with pursuing relationships.  It stemmed from the reality that God could be calling anyone to not be married, and I feared the possibility of being one of them.  To avoid ever finding out if that was the case, I kept the topic of the “big V vocation” out of my conversations with God.  Or I’d pretend we didn’t need to talk about it and thank him if having a boyfriend seemed to be on the horizon.

               

It wasn’t the worst thing until my “trust” really got in the way of a growing friendship with a guy I had initially been set up with.  The more we talked, the more boxes were checked off.  So, I thought I was picking up what God was putting down and decided to run with it.  But what I had in mind was not what God had in mind, and I kept ignoring the “caution” and “reduce speed ahead signs” he put in front of me.

When I put my feelings out in the open, I learned I was the only one feeling them.  The thing is, that wasn’t what hurt.  What did was recognizing I never actually trusted Got with it all, and it ended up costing a friendship.  Him a confidant and me someone who nudged me to see what our faith has to offer here and now.

               

This is what I brought with me to a retreat.  We had Adoration and Confession both nights we were there.  On the first night, as I knelt before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, I felt guided to start talking with God about my vocation – to try trusting His Will.  To my surprise, when I really tried to dig into it, a wall went up in my mind that I knew I hadn’t put there.  No matter how much I tried to knock it down, it wouldn't budge.  As I sat there asking Jesus why he would do that, the “Confession Candle” was returned. I knew it was my turn, and that the answer to my question was awaiting me.

               

Going to the confessional, I knew I had to confess some of how I went about my pursuit of that guy and how I interacted with God during that time.  The priest walked through it with me.  He helped me work through what my intentions had been and the insecurities that drove them.  After this, he asked me, “Can I be bold with you?”  I inwardly panicked.  My immediate thoughts were, “Oh no, here comes the discernment question.  Lord, I’m ready to pray about this, but I’m definitely not ready to talk it out with a priest.”  But I nodded and said, “Of course.”  Then he told me he had no doubt I will be with a man who will see all that I have to offer.  We would discuss a bit more and the question would come again, “Can I be bold with you?”  Once more, I would panic, and then I would hear those words. Over and over again.  And each time those words imparted a peace so deep that I knew they were more than a guy trying to alleviate a girl’s insecurities.  

When I returned to the chapel and dwelt on all of the priest’s words, I could hear Jesus whispering “you can trust me.”  And there, sitting in front of our Lord with a reconciled heart, the walls in my mind and heart came down.  Jesus knew what it would take for me to listen and trust him – confession and time in his presence.

               

There is something powerful in pairing Adoration and Confession.  If you look up Eucharistic Miracles involving the host, you’ll see that all of them have been transformed into Jesus’ heart muscle.  When we gaze upon the Blessed Sacrament, we gaze upon the very heart of Jesus.  What he gives us, what he always wants to give us, is his heart.  In Reconciliation, we give Jesus those parts of our hearts that we so often keep away from him.  He renews what we had previously kept out of his grasp.  Jesus heals our hearts.  And when we return to Adoration, we have the opportunity again to give them back to Christ.  To let him gaze upon our hearts as we gaze upon his.

               

This is what we are invited to.  Whether we open the door to that locked away part of our hearts just a crack or so that the inside is completely visible, Jesus can bring light, life, and peace there.