Responding

In my senior year of high school, my AP English teacher had our class fill out a personal inventory. It's filled with various questions about life experiences, how you approach the world, and creative hypotheticals.  Every once in a while, I return to that series of questions and answer them all again to see what's changed and what has stayed the same despite multiple years passing.  Looking it over again, a question about irrational fears made led me to ponder another question: "What is your biggest fear?"  Thinking back to previous conversations I've had, I know I would have often responded, "Somehow missing my life's purpose."

Being a Christian, I believe God has given me this specific life at this specific point in time for a reason.  The trick is trying to figure out and live out that reason.  For some, God placed a very strong desire in their heart early on, making it fairly clear the path they should take.  I do not consider myself one of those people.  If you were to look through my prayer journal, half of its entries are me asking for God's help to discern what He wants me to do with my life.  It often feels like I'm trying to figure out a jigsaw puzzle where God hands me random pieces every once in a while that may or may not connect with the others He's already given me.

Recently, I wondered if it feels this way because I've been asking the wrong question.  At my last small group, we went through the gifts God gives and the different ways we feel His presence.  Our personal histories, God's creation, and His continual labor were examined.  After we made our lists, our leader asked, "How do you respond to such love?"  While meditating on this, it struck me that continually asking this question should ultimately lead me to fulfilling whatever purpose God has in mind for my life.

Let me explain my line of thinking.  "What is my purpose?" is a big question.  While God very well
might answer that with rapid clarity, repeatedly asking that question hasn't gotten me too far.  I feel like the other question, though, has more promise.  It asks the same thing in a smaller way.  After all, asking about purpose is asking how to respond to the gift of life.  Breaking it down into its components  - friendships, family, places, nature, experiences - makes it easier to form a response.  So, instead of feeling like I'm limited due to lack of an answer to the big question, I feel enabled to still do something to advance God's Kingdom.  Whether that's soaking in a fun moment with friends, praying for everyone involved in getting my meal in front of me, reaching out to that person who's been on my mind, honestly and lovingly responding to a sensitive question, or giving a generous tip.  By continuously asking how do to respond to God's love as I encounter it, my thoughts, words, and actions will be oriented toward love.  Because my combination of experiences, desires, and personality traits differ from everyone else's, I will both encounter different things and respond in different ways than everyone else.  It is within this variation that my unique purpose lies - as well as anyone else's.

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